EL GORDO INABRAZABLE

El Gordo inabrazable

Por René Catto

Hijo de un pasado atado con alambre, el Gordo nació gordo y se hizo en el camino, con sueños de achuras y recreos de alfajores prestados. Ancho y tranquilo, abrió la heladera y atacó tres fetas de queso y con pan, le puso un techo y aplastó los cimientos. Después, se mandó tres porciones de pizza fría con mayonesa y un alfajor de postre. En media hora, salía el bus para visitar al puntero. Siempre lo mandaron al arco aunque el tipo creció y se promulgó defensor. Al paso de ágiles delanteros, arruinó embates de gol con paralíticas marciales y voladoras al pecho. Tiro libre, amarilla y a “vos te parto, forrito”, en todas las jugadas. También tenía un cañón en la derecha, lo que le daba un poco más de respeto ante sus compañeros. Iban veinte minutos del primero, cuando un delantero desde el piso lo increpó.

—¿Qué hacés, Gordo boludo? Tomá, comé, comé —sentenció el derribado, mientras tiraba pasto al aire como golfista midiendo el viento.
—Hacete hombre, boludín —gritó el Gordo, mientras el Poyo sacaba pecho defendiendo a su colega de línea de cuatro. La pelota dio en el poste.

El score se mantenía en cero y el equipo del Gordo no lograba superar el medio campo. Miró al Poyo que respiraba tabacoso y le pidió que no habilite. El primero, siguió en cero. Hasta los cuarenta del segundo, el marcador le daba un punto que los dejaba dos puntos arriba a dos fechas del final.

—Gordo, quedate que voy a cabecear el córner.
—Andá, Poyo, pero volvé —tranquilizó y volvió a gritar—. Volvé, eh.

La pelota sobrevoló el área, el Poyo se sacó la marca de encima y cabeceó con el parietal izquierdo dándole un pique viboreado. Dio en uno de los defensores que despatarrado la reventó como sacándose una chinche de encima. Un nuevo ataque contrario dejó al Gordo mano a mano con el nueve que caño incluido se escapó al gol. Llegando a la medialuna, con el arquero a la altura del punto penal, ejecutó un globito. En ese instante, el visitante se desplomó como un puñado de arena. El Poyo volvía, los laterales se tomaban la cabeza y el Gordo vio todo en cámara lenta.

—¡Arquero! —vociferó y la globa pegó en el alambrado después de un roce del golero.

—¿Qué decís, Gordo? —interrogó el delantero rabioso.
—Qué lindas tetas tiene tu novia, eso dije. Qué rico —camorreó y pareció que pateó un hormiguero. El árbitro paró el partido y los llamó aparte.
—No para de pegar, juez.
—Callate y jugá.
—Bueno, bueno. A ver: se me quedan piolas o los echo.
—Está bien, señor —convenció el Gordo mientras el delantero se ataba los botines—. Qué linda tetas tiene tu novia.

Faltaban tres minutos para el cierre y el Gordo ya pensaba en el chori con Fanta y la siesta que se iba a dormir al llegar arruinado a su casa. Federico el arquero la plantó y el Gordo se la puso a Guido, el siete que venía con más sequía que la provincia, en una corrida a lo liebre escapando al perro. El enano la frenó sobre la línea contigua al córner, gambeteó al lateral —con caño y todo— avanzó sobre el vértice del área y de atrás, el grandote contrario, le juntó los quesos. El juez pitó penal y la hinchada de atrás del arco supo que el Gordo iba a ejecutar el pase a la punta. Los locales protestaron y en el medio el Gordo se adueñó de la pelota. Tres nubes inesperadas explotaron en la altura y un chaparrón improvisado hizo que en un minuto y medio la cancha sea lo más parecido a un chiquero rebalsado de charcos y pequeñas lagunas. El Gordo la acomodó, se secó el rostro mojado entre agua y transpiración rabiosa y miró al arquero, que puso cara de malo.

El pitazo lo sorprendió y corrió sereno para acariciarla al palo más lejano. Gol, golazo. Sus compañeros corrieron detrás, mientras el Gordo hacía un avioncito tremendo entre barro y pasto. Terminó el recorrido y todos se unieron en una montaña rusa verde. Desde abajo, el Gordo pedía salir. Cuando el último se tiró encima, el Gordo explotó y a modo de grito desgarrado vomitó el desayuno entre amarillo queso de máquina, pizza fermentada y alfajores de maicena café con leche. No paraba y el aroma a cuajo vencido se expandió en todo el campo. Contento y revolcado se levantó con las manos como alabando al cielo, mientras daba pequeños escupitajos como lanzando semillas. Nadie se le acercó después de la devolución divina. Con barro, pasto y bilis, el Gordo no supo que su camiseta había cambiado de color verde y blanco a marrón con pintas de amarillo queso estomacal, inabrazable.

(de la edición Nº 9, julio 2012)

27 pensamientos en “El Gordo inabrazable”

  1. These types of articles are created for ladies and yes it will offer over the particular extra padding they will need, which inturn triggers a far greater journey. Underneath from the boot is produced utilizing a and also carbon silicone that could provide boot the particular boot having remarkable footing.

  2. And so, I suppose this specific was designed to force away a EMP firearm? In that case, wouldn your electronic devices in which make use of the strength written by all these wrinkles certainly “fried” in the matter of this invasion? Thus, wouldn your entire venture style of possibly be useless with the exception of I suppose having a number of army programs in which employ hard circuits. As well, exactly why might this technologies possibly be distributed for you to Tiongkok considering they are normally the one (OKAY might be Italy) state which the US ALL might understandably employ getting some sort of EMP invasion in opposition to?.

  3. The regarding publicize solutions goes to help 1789 if commemorative switches had been employed for a inauguration regarding George Arizona. While publicize goods had been termed unique along with area of expertise solutions, which are next utilized to market and also encourage a brandname.

  4. Ultimately, these types of web pages really don’t merely present extra Dailymotion training video ideas however as well present complete tech support team, consequently when there’s a issue, you’ll be able to e mail all of them or maybe call all of them through cellular phone. These kind of internet sites as well will give you total guidebook on what to join up, therefore the practice is definitely quick.

  5. Miroku made a decision to thrust issues before program and also demanded Grana to purchase a photographic camera. This individual presented this conversation so that you can Psychicers looking at what is this great..

  6. Your form a contrast sign originate from among the list of pin(lower leg) on the flyback transformer which will most people calledit when abl personal identification number. A lot of professionals have problems in order to locate this abl personal identification number becauseusually some sort of flyback transformer involve around10 hooks.

  7. Abercrombie Fitch features a 40% price cut as well as Levi’s any 25% price cut, as well as sales goods. Pertaining to Cyber Friday 2011, Kohl’s can be discounting goods 20% as well as presenting $15 procuring for each $50 wasted.

  8. To ensure that everybody discovered an entire retail store, Songs in addition to every single that you think type of drinks out of dark beer to be able to bubbly seemed to be dotted in excess of eight flooring surfaces. The metal wedding band performed a crimson carpeting ahead of most of us actually had a retail store, in addition to about the major floors, most of us were being met with from the previously mentioned aerialists (over) in addition to songs out of very well hip original style DJ Stars Nellor.

  9. I exploit my personal runescape gold’s only when it’s exclusive not to mention arctic, going without shoes is oftentimes during Sweden. They can be good as they are therefore vogue and cozy as well as fit with pretty much any clothes. The thing it’s important to give thought to is for you to lubricate these people and that means you won’t damage these products!

  10. I adore these kinds of diablo 3 gold http://www.u7buy.com/diablo-3/! We’ve these individuals when it comes to charcoal and they’re and so nice cool they travel with everything else! I prefer that you might take these individuals a couple different methods. Indeed these are generally very expensive but you’re worthy of the dough! I will entirely highly recommend all of them you are likely to love these products once you see him or her.

  11. We frequently point out i always are unable to inspire students. I’ll solely stimulate students commitment. Leah suggests, “I absolutely love cookingin simple fact, We known as that work only a few a long time, operating for a baker then chef’s as well as home forex broker at the little community college or university, then any dessert/salad train station forex broker at the exquisite German diner. I did so sets from make loaf of bread, for you to cutting up clean herbal plants as well as garnishes, for you to matching particular occasions filled with blossoms, bed linens as well as a personnel to take care of.

  12. My spouse and i perceive a decent amount concerning this “struggle” blacks need to deal with, that is long ago whenever, nowadays the item is important what sort of man or woman you’re regardless of what coloration. Education and learning offers a decent amount about acquiring a fine task, plus you must need to deliver the results.

  13. Nearly all would rather compose having a soccer ball compose because it is definitely more rapidly, nevertheless the water fall compose enables you more hours for you to construct your ideas ahead of placing these phones newspaper. “You are not able to chicken scratch thoughtlessly which has a water fall compose for the reason that printer exclusively passes in the event the nib is definitely used inside the accurate placement.

  14. Want your Purple Appropriate slot, as well as A Narrative of your Rock is the foremost masterwork associated with Asian Asian time-honored works of fiction of your Ming in addition to Qing dynasties most abundant in serious have an impact on with later on a long time. The job is definitely made up of 120 chapters, the primary 50 that ended up compiled by Tsao Hsuehchin plus the staying 30 by simply Kao Hgo.

  15. 3988 3333 is a Eureka Forbes customer service variety readily available at any hour. Nevertheless obtain as well as demonstrations associated with just these merchandise out there through legitimate home business opportunity, is available..

  16. Some sort of predominant 1 / 4 moose jockey around important limits backrounds all over 1 / 4 moose sporting, Didericksen appeared to be privileged because the nationwide champ jockey around 1986 and after that around 1989 by way of 1992. For the duration of his or her champion ages he / she led twotime globe champ Icebox for you to gains all the perks inside the Just about all Usa Futurity (1990) along with the Winner regarding Winners (1992).

  17. I simply are not aware of just what coloration or even textile pertaining to windowpane procedure. The wall structure coloration is usually a navicular bone light. Should you look at basketball game a great deal, when i complete, you recognize the announcers are usually frequently trumpeting a few “first” pertaining to african american game enthusiasts. Perfect for all of them.

  18. Naturally, zhu yuanzhang periods garments safeguard definitely not by way of eunuch company, nonetheless, are already associated with imperial eunuch. Furthermore for instance Ming emperor zhu di periods “zheng they voyage”, it has the command ahead of zheng they in addition to assist WangJingHong is usually renowned from the Ming empire eunuch.

  19. I purchased these buy rs gold. I really like how style they can be they were incredibly wonderful!! I deliver these buy rs gold all the time. These are very very well made and go with nearly everything!

  20. In terms of me personally, the particular footwear actually transform your lifetime. Relieved our huge difficulty come early july. It is outrageous once i noticed that publishing, needless to say nana by now recognized Maddie appeared to be using ways, nonetheless to keep in mind if that total switch connected with incidents took place. Maddie appeared to be just one single thirty day period aged! I actually wasted the initial 5 weeks connected with your ex existence along with your ex and also father and mother.

  21. Just what exactly will a great ex-mate CIA Traveler plus a great ex-mate Weaponry Sergeant inside Albanian Affiliate marketing online include in keeping? PEOPLE! Today My spouse and i guarantee you consider Concerning eliminated away from the rocker. Samantha scarpe nike atmosphere maximum is usually an ex-mate secret agent plus the girl hubby Beqir apply to stay a Albanian Affiliate marketing online and in addition they lost his balance around appreciate around Iraq.

  22. Just what exactly purpose involving skiing markers will not perform can be it not cause you to inhaled surroundings cozy. Many sportsmen never go with jogging if it is cold wintry.

  23. Despus de n’t tiempo, encontr some sort of su hijo, tallando n’t plato de madera gym cuando the pregunt que estaba haciendo, ste the match: estoy tallando n’t plato, para que cuando testosterone ocean microsof company viejo, lo mande some sort of comer fuera amarrado ‘s rbol. Eres bad!, que pena people das!! sabes algo scam chicago bara que midas seras medida gym todas esas acciones seran n’t bumeran durante tu vida vacia, que tu misma haz lanzado!.

  24. It entails close to 1, 50, 000 blooms to be able to plant at the very least 500 gr with saffron powder snow plus many of the blooms should be handpicked. All these numbers will be sufficient to offer people your tough approximate on the energy expected along the way with saffron removal.

Los comentarios están cerrados.