LA SOMBRA 1

La sombra

Por Luciana Cáncer

Recuerdo muy bien ese día porque fue cuando decidí dejar aquel infierno. Me desperté temprano, mucho más temprano que de costumbre; por esa época vivía de noche, salía cada día con una banda de amigotes a tomar cerveza y a meterme basura en el cuerpo, nuestro punto de encuentro era alguno de los bancos de piedra de Plaza Miserere. No usaba despertador, y aunque lo hubiera usado tampoco me habría despertado.
Abrí los ojos, me dolían con un dolor intenso, potente, sentía pinchazos en el medio de las pupilas, como si me estuvieran clavando miles de alfileres de punta muy fina. Me costó acostumbrarme a la luz del día, reconocer el empapelado, parecía más viejo y gastado de lo que recordaba, como si durante la noche lo hubieran sometido a un efecto sepia, pero sepia manchado, viejo, con lamparones de mugre, como de aceite, o sangre de mosquitos estrellados contra la pared, o bolitas de moco aplastadas.
La pieza estaba tan fría que apenas podía asomar la cara, entraba un silbido de viento por la única ventana ubicada justo sobre el respaldo de la cama. La frazada que me tapaba estaba sucia como la pared, o más, tanto que me vinieron arcadas y mis mandíbulas endurecidas gesticularon asco en cámara lenta.
Intenté recordar qué había hecho la noche anterior pero no pude. La noche anterior a la anterior, pero tampoco pude. Lo único que relampagueaba en mi cerebro vacío eran flashes de la plaza, inconexos. Intenté hacer memoria pero no fui capaz de ubicar las escenas en una noche específica, en un tiempo cierto. Traté de enfocar las otras caras pero eran rostros duros, sin rasgos personales, sin facciones.
Me senté en la cama, mareado; después de un buen rato pude fijar la vista en el televisor que tenía enfrente y disparaba una luz blanca manchada de gris con ruido a interferencia; sentí como si las mil alfileres de punta finita se hubiesen convertido en un millón de clavos de hierro calentados sobre una hornalla. Desvié los ojos al piso, como buscando calmar los pinchazos con la simple visión de las baldosas heladas. Vi mi gamulán tirado a medio camino entre la pantalla y la cama, estaba sucio, con rastros de vómito seco, el corderito del lado de adentro se había vuelto gris verdoso. Al lado, en una montaña de harapos, se amontonaba la única ropa de invierno que tenía, al verla me di cuenta de que estaba desnudo, completamente desnudo.
Seguí mirando a mi alrededor, la cómoda de fórmica barata que para mí siempre había sido de color beige era blanca pero sucia; la cortinita floreada que dividía la kichinet del otro ambiente no tenía flores sino lunares y manchas de humedad; en cada rajadura de cualquiera de las superficies que miraba se acumulaban costras de mugre. Era como ver la pieza por primera vez, como si me hubieran operado de la miopía crónica durante el sueño, porque todo lo veía como a través de lentes de aumento, mucho aumento, con una nitidez que me lastimaba.
Fui pasando revista de cada detalle nuevo que observaba hasta que me vi en el espejo de la puerta del ropero, y me horroricé, me asusté de mí mismo, de mi cara dura sin rasgos personales ni facciones, de mi cuerpo grisáceo de piel sobre huesos, de mis ojos vacíos de mirada; pero había algo más, tardé varios minutos en darme cuenta. Para asegurarme de que no alucinaba cerré los ojos un par de minutos, volví a mirar, cerré los ojos otra vez, volví a mirar. Me giré y vi a través de la ventanita sin persiana por la que nunca antes había entrado el sol.
El sol no entraba porque mi pieza daba a un contrafrente oscuro rodeado de edificios muy altos de paredes negras de hollín. Un aire espeso no me dejaba distinguir la imagen, sólo captaba luz, humo y aullidos de sirenas.
Así desperté el 18 de julio de 1994, en mi pieza de la calle Paso, en el barrio de Once.

(de la edición Nº12, octubre 2012)

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