Manoseados

Todos manoseados

Por René Catto

Esto le pasó a un conocido y alguien tiene que decirlo. Sí, pasó acá y parece que volvimos a las cavernas. Era el día del amigo y habían salido media docena a cenar. Como era sábado y había que festejar, comenzaron a hacer la cola para entrar al boliche. Hasta ahí todo bien, pero cuando ya habían pasado cinco, uno de los patovas le dice al más morocho que no podía entrar. Sus amigos se volvieron y preguntaron por qué, a lo que uno de los grandotes trajeados respondió que las órdenes bajaban de arriba, que el derecho de admisión y cosas por el estilo, menos una argumentación clara. Todos decidieron irse y en el camino al pibe se le cayeron un par de lagrimones.

En el día del amigo, el tipo tuvo que comerse el garrón de sentirse discriminado.
Después me entero que el entrenador de estos inflados era un tal “Dani la muerte”, que parece que ganó popularidad como guardaespaldas de otro adiposo (grasoso queda mejor) como Ricardo Fort. Siglo XXI y vienen con eso de que si sos morocho o no nos gusta tu cara, no entrás al local ¿será que Dani la muerte enseña a seleccionar a la gente? Lo mismo, pasaba en otros dos boliche furor en los ochentas y noventas cerca del centro, pero no me pregunten quién los entrenaba (¿Juampi Hipocresía o Pepe el Mediocre?).

Cuando me enteré que usan la misma pesquisa todos los fines de semana me renegué más aún. No por el hecho en sí, que es para desaprobar acá y en cualquier parte, sino porque sabemos que este tipo de lugares le venden alcohol a menores y el fernet te lo sirven en vaso de plástico, con un hielo que parece una pila de linterna y con más espuma que un can rabioso. Ah, una Sprite sin gas cuesta lo mismo que una de dos litros y cuarto en el supermercado. Será la inflación, me dije, pero no, si te la das de cool, la gaseosa tiene precio cool.

Mucha lucecita, levantá las manos si te gusta la joda y mové la colita y meneá y todos como unos alienados transpirando. Qué cosa todo eso de la noche, como si la noche fuera eso: humo, calor, lásers y todo un placer artificial. Hay discriminación en un pueblucho que nos conocemos todos, dónde te tirás un pedo y dos cuadras más adelante es una garrafa. Después, dicen que no hay movida cultural acá, pero cuando hay gente que mueve el culo con algo vinculado a eso, van a apenas cien. Pero ojo, cuando organizan una fiesta con todos los trapos, te matan con la entrada y las barras son tres caballetes con un tablón cruzado al medio.

“Yo seré grasún, pero no soy grosero, señor”. Después, un secretario de gobierno dice que no quiere hippies en la plaza y el derroche se gasta en luces, pastito cortado y un botón que le avisa a los novios que los besos a otro lado y seguro que cuando llega a la casa, prende la tele y se cura los deseos con el orto de una pendeja que baila por un sueño. Hasta cuándo toda la porquería. Vino Víctor Heredia y fueron cuatro. Pero ojo, anuncian cualquier faraute que no vale dos mangos y hacen cola para sacar entradas anticipadas, porque saben que el día del espectáculo en la puerta te cobran lo que se les canta.
Cómo nos gusta juntarnos.

Sí, todos apretados, gritando, moviendo el orto, transpirados al ritmo de un sonido a lata tremendo. Sin meterme en los gusto de los demás, pienso en eso de que nos derretimos por andar en el mismo lodo todos manoseados. Y los baños son un tema aparte: mucho espejo, canillas con forma de ganso, pero qué olor zorrino, hermano. Son lo más parecido a los baños de las estaciones de tren. Después, claro, los que van a la “bailanta” son todos unos negros. Hay que reconocer cómo todo lo artificial aglutina la mente humana. Todos somos iguales al momento de la danza.

Me estaré poniendo más viejo y las cosas que antes me molestaban ahora me revientan las pelotas o será porque es más simple observar y mirar para otro lado y quedarse cayetano. Me pregunto si siempre pasó lo mismo o nos estamos volviendo más ciegos todos. Nos gusta la caca y la asistimos para ser parte, pertenecer y posar para la fotito que después en la semana comentamos. Y todos felices.

(de la edición Nº 8, junio 2012)

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